It's All Fun & Games 'Till...

Someone's heel tendon is severed or a cheek bone, shit maybe even the entire mandible, crushed by a rubber bullet, in reality. Journalists please realize...fuck it, look who im talking to.

Fifa 07...the best

Actually, I am in my Manager mode year 2017, but I digress
Fifa 07 is without a doubt the best footy simulation ever created, and that is just the regular xbox version. I don't even want to speculate on the version for 360 (fist yourself, Stephen). But there are many things that just make this game better:
1. The free kicks are actually makeable in this game. The amount of loft and spin on the ball are controlled entirely by the user.
2. Ecuador is one of the teams in the "International" category... enough said
3. 95% of the players actually look like themselves (there are still some that don't, still no love for kieran richardson)
4. The manager mode is completely revamped where actual currency is used (you can choose from dollars, euros, or pounds).
You also have a Youth Academy to sign players from.
5. The graphics (on XBOX) are the best I have ever seen in a sports game. And I am sure the 360 version is rediculous.
Unfortunately, the Netherlands only featured in the FIFA World Cup 2006 game, they are not featured in Fifa 07, but I can live with that.
So in conclusion, GO OUT AND BUY THIS GAME!!!!!!!!

Beware Beware

I'm not a big beleiver in Halloween unless it involves a Costco-sized batch of toilet paper and raw eggs, so let's just get on with it. I'm looking at keeping pace with my fellow peers (and critics) this week as we like the home teams to perform well today.

In the early game, I like Inter to roll over Spartak on the synthetic pitch in Moscow. That's assuming that Inter decides to show up and be, well, Inter.

Bayern wins easily at home against Sporting, chalk up a clean sheat for King Kahn.

Liverpool will edge past Bordeaux but this will be closer than the experts think. I like Dirk Kuyt to grab the winner 10 minutes from time. That dude looks like a ghoul, anyway. Get a haircut, Dirk, you're no Lionel Messi.

PSV cruises past Galatasaray, then heads to the Dampkring afterwards to hang out. This has the potential to be a shootout considering what PSV have done in the Eredivisie over the last two weeks. (They hung 7 on some club)

Roma should beat Olympiakos, unless this game gets called because of the abnormally large number of flares that the local Italians love to light up and throw at each other.

Valencia, despite missing half of their first team due to injury, should win on the road against Shakhtar. Then again, Turkey ain't exactly a trip down the road for these Spaniards. I like a tie.

And in the battle of ugliest uniforms in Europe, Werder Bremen finds a way to beat Levski Sofia in my yawner match of the day. No way there's more than 1 goal in this game.

Finally, in what is undoubtedly the dumbest programming move by ESPN brass to not televise a game, we have Chelsea at Barcelona. I think the Nou Camp plays a big role in this one, with the Catalans much more comfortable at home on their heavenly green pitch. Don't be shocked to see the 'return' of Ronaldinho become official. He tallied the brace last time he put on the Barcelona jersey over the weekend, but this match will leave no doubt. And our boy Messi will seal the deal late in the game. Barcelona 3 Chelsea 1.

Bone Cold Dead Pipe Locks for Matchday Halloween

OOOOOOOO Spooky, but that is a dank ass footy pumpkin. Can anyone tell me why the ESPN 2 game today is Bayern vs Sporting? The Chelsea/BARCA clash is on ESPN Deportes or PPV broadband, but not on the Dos? This is very upsetting
Alas, the picks must go on
Inter, fresh off of a HUGE win over Milan in the derby, destroys Spartak Moscow. Materazzi dresses like Zidane for Halloween.
Valencia comfortably wins over Shakhtar. Shanks a plenty in this one.
Roma, at home, beats Olympiakos. Pandora's box is opened after the match by a mad Olympiakos fan, and the world ends.
PSV Eidenhoven beats Galatasaray. I keep saying it, but watch out for Edison Mendez.
Liverpool crush Bordeaux at Anfield, and Crouch not only does the robot after scoring, he plays in a robot costume.
Bayern Munich handles Sporting Lisbon, Schweinsteiger and Podolski score dressed as vampires.
Werder Bremen dispatches of Levski Sofia with an inspired performance by Diego, who just got his 1st Brazil call up.
and Finally...BARCA beat Chelsea at the Nou Camp. The ghosts of all the great Barcelona legends (Maradonna, Cruyff, Overmars, Rivaldo, Figo, Riquelme, Schuster, Davids, Romario, etc. I know that all of these players are still alive, but they are ghosts of Barca) arise from the Barca folklore and haunt Jose Mourinho. After the match, Mourinho comes up with another excuse for why Barcelona cheated. Ronaldinho comes back from the death of his form and turns from Gandalf the Grey to the Great White Wizard.
My 69% accuracy rate is on the rise, and after this week, can only get better. As for the FIFA 07 game review, its coming, just be patient my squire. While you wait Stephen, you could go get me a cup of coffee, four creams and four sugars. Thanks man.

WTF

It's Christmas eve (15 hrs before Barca/Chelsea part deux) and I'm still waiting for Sambo's official FIFA07 game review. Don't tell me you haven't been playing it, either. Being the intrepid reporter that you are, my guess is you're playing it so much you haven't had the time to take care of business, but that time is now boy. Step away from manager mode year 2016 and let the XBOX 360 faithful hear what you have to say. We are an anxious and potentially hostile group having to wait an extra 8 weeks for our 360 version to be released. I want feedback, homie.

Coming with daybreak...Champions League matchday 18 picks. In case I don't post it early enough for Moscow time, I like Inter in a big way.

The Oldest Scorer in Town

After much remorse East London exudes relief. West Ham United snapped their worst run since 1932. Losses in all competitions (5 Prem, 2 UEFA, 1 Carling Cup) stacked to eight consecutive. Equating in eight hours and ten minutes of Premiership play without a goal. Make that 590 minutes of match play. Upton Park's atmosphere could only be described as fanatical. Supporters packed the stands hoping to see their lads brave a win and answering the call of under-fire manager Alan Padrew. The Blackburn Rovers attempted to exploit their confidence, best deemed fragile.

Today's match featured a fine tuned Hammers line-up. On both sides of the spectrum Pardew's starting eleven showcased G. McCartney in his premier and Teddy Sheringham attacking. As the old saying goes, matches aren't played on paper...West Ham's worst home defeat came at the hands of Blackburn 8-2 in 1963. I don't know what exactly Pardew said to his boys or what happened on the training grounds leading up to the big home match. But I do know that the mindset of West Ham's players was markedly different.

Inside the first half-hour of play Bobby Zamora headed a long ball down to Yossi Benayoun at the edge of the area. The Hope delivered the patented 'spoon pass' to Teddy Sheringham's head. The 40 year old became the oldest player in the history of the EPL to score a goal after he finished beautifully past Brad Friedel, slotting top drawer. Joy read over the expressions of teammates surrounding the Englishman in celebration. Come the 79th minute Hayden Mullins netted his first goal evoking a fist pump from Alan Padrew as the stadium exploded behind him. Solid work as a cohesive unit sealed the score line, with saves from R. Green, at 2-1. Bently scored for Blackburn in injury time while the majority of 33,833 spectator's chants rained down in sheets.

Personally, Sheringham ended a scoreless run of seven months. But the gravity of his goal may have yet sunk in the rolodex of the casual footy follower. West Ham have moved to 16th place, now clear of the bottom three. Essentially, this Sunday won't fade for some time in the memory of the faithful; who disregarded the history books to make their own.

Reaction: Champions League Days 5 and 6

After matchdays 5 and 6, I am left with a glass half full/half empty feeling. If his sloppy form continues, Ronaldinho will relinquish his status as the best player in the world (and give it to Cristiano Ronaldo, who is on blazing hot form nowadays).

Impressive: Manchester United- they are looking great so far and Scholes had a cracker of a goal yesterday.
Chelsea- Drogba scored an absolutely brilliant goal against Barca, and the current Prem champs looked strong
Liverpool- tough win without Gerrard over Bordeaux
Inter- Back on track, but need to prove something against big opponents
Bayern- Full points, looked good so far
Lyon- My dark horse to win it all, Juninho, Kaka, or C. Ronaldo should win the FIFA and UEFA Player of the Year awards

Dissapointments: Barca- IN DEEP TROUBLE WITHOUT ETO'O. The commentators said it all match, and they were right
Shevchenko- LOOKS TERRIBLE
Rooney- getting better, but still well short of best form

Stephen and I both went 6 and 2 on matchday 6 and that brings my tally to 33 correct and 15 incorrect, to bring me up to 69% accuracy rate. If you want stephens full numbers, ask him because he skipped a day (amateur!) We here at the blog will continue to give you the most up to date champs league reaction. Thanks for reading.

Stone Cold Lead Pipe Locks for Match day 6

On Matchday 5 I went 6-2 to bring the overall tally to 27 correct and 13 incorrect and a 2% accuracy increase, so on Matchday 6 I'll take:

Inter over Spartak
Bayern over Lisbon
Liverpool struggle without Stevie G, but still beat Bordeaux
PSV beats Galatasa-whatever, look out for Edison Mendez
Roma draw with Olympiakos
Werder over Levski
Valencia over Shakhtar
and I already gave it to you early, but Barcelona over Chelski

And if I am the intern, then stephen is the mail clerk

Anatomy of my Punt

Champions League Picks--Matchday 6

Get used to this look, you'll be seeing it in a few hours after Chelsea get it handed to them and their manager still tells the press he's got the better team. Just unlucky, right Jose? We're done buying it.

Not one of my better days yesterday, but I'm back and better than ever. I'll leave it up to my intern Sambo to give us the updated count, all I know is that I'm behind. So without further adieu, I give you Stephen's Sensual Selections matchday 6:

Inter Milan beats Spartak Moscow in an absolute must win for Internazionale

Bayern goes on the road and beats Sporting Lisbon, Podolski with the late winner

Liverpool and Bordeaux draw nil-nil in typical Liverpool fashion

PSV gets the upset in a tough road environment at Galatasaray

Roma crosses the Aegean and gets the win at Olympiakos

Valencia all over Shakhtar Donetsk early and often, easy win for the boys in the Toyota jerseys

Werder Bremen has yet to put up a goal in the group stages, and I see that trend continue, however the Germans pick up an own goal late and win over Levski Sofia. This is my rubber bullet special of the day. First 20,000 fans get complimentary riot gear.

Finally, in the granddaddy of 'em all, Barcelona looks top class against a Chelsea unit without their top two keepers. The headline writers in England are going to have a field day when third string Chelsea keeper Hilario gives up three goals in the first hour, as I see Chelsea playing from behind most of this match. Final score line, as I've been saying for a good week now, Barca 3, Blues 1. Goal tallies by Ronaldinho, Messi, and Gudjohnson. Sheva for Chelsea, trying to make a game of it to no avail.

A Collective pledge!!

On the last two posts on this footy blog, there have been unnaceptable Journalistic errors by myself and Mr Stephen Hartzell. I predicted a match on the wrong day, and Stephen said that Barcelona plays at the San Siro. We have gotten a little bit sloppy, but that will change. I hereby swear to check all of my stories for errors and try to get them as perfect as possible before posting them. Sam Franco

(other bloggers can comment on this post to add their signatures)

(I am sitting in Journalism class right now learning about style errors and false facts so that is probably why I went on this rant)

Stephen's Sensual Selections

Another exciting Tuesday installment of Champions League football coming at us, and we look for the away teams to show up in a big way and deliver on the road. My flaming arrow picks through the heart and soul of man are as follows:

Lyon wins at Dynamo, our man Fred scores yet again

Real Madrid wins at Steau Whogivesashit, Spaniards beware of molotov cocktails and blatant racism

Celtic and Befica play to a draw in what could be one of the more exciting, even-tempo'd pairings of the week

Arsenal pitches a shutout on the road in a classic 1-nil or 2-nil road win in Moscow. Atleast one Arsenal supporter gets a rubber bullet to the abdomen in a postgame fracas with CSKA Ultras.

Porto beats Hamburg in a yawner (as is the case with most German squads outside of Munich aka Podolski Incorporated)

AC Milan continues to play well in Europe, wins easily at Anderlicht

AEK Athens brings tzatziki sauce and rolls up the Frenchies in pita and eats them, winning comfortably at Lille

finally Manchester United brings the ruckus at home versus Copenhagen. Rooney gets the brace, Ronaldo takes off his shirt, Van der Sar saves a penalty, and the Old Trafford faithful see their boys hang up the five spot before it's all said and done.

Simply cannot wait until tomorrow, Chelsea/Barca is actually going to trump the World Cup final, it's going to be that good. And then later for the return leg at the Nou Camp....football fans around the world have got to be thrilled at the prospect of this (as they have the last two years, in addition), but now with Sheva on the Blues, a year-older Messi starting for Barca, those new Adidas blue homes versus the amazing new Nike Orange aways! The scene is set for an absolute cracker in Stamford Bridge. Barcelona 3 Chelsea 1, mark it dude.

Stone Cold Lead Pipe Locks for Match day 5

The Jolly Green Giant: Always a sure bet between the sticks.

On matchday 4, I went 5 and 3 to bring my grand total for predictions to 21 correct predtictions and 11 incorrect predictions. That's a 66% accurate prediction rate which is pretty good, and will go up after my predictions for matchday 5:

Barcelona wins a close one over Chelski
Lyon handles Dynamo Kiev
Real Madrid take care of business against Steaua Bucharesti (yes, that is the correct spelling)
Benfica and Celtic fight out a draw @ Celtic Park
Arsenal win in a tough road environment at CSKA Moscow
Porto over Hamburg
AC Milan over Anderlecht
Lille over AEK Athens...
and finally MAN UNITED stomp Copenhagen (sorry James, this isn't one of your created FIFA fantasy teams)

Big Sam to the Chelsea (boo) Rescue

Big Sam Allardyce is not a man to be messed with. And word on the street is this mug gonna lend Chelsea a goalkeeper for their Champions League showdown with Barcelona at the midweek. What does this to mean, you ask? Well for starters, take all of your money to the window and take Barca to walk all over the Blues, then go cut out today's EPL standings and put it on your fridge. Weeks from now, when Morinho and Co. are middle of the table, you can have the last remaining relic of what will cease to be a Chelsea-dominated domestic market.

Petr Czech almost DIED over the weekend. His brain was so swolen they had to crack his skull to let it breathe or else it was going to EXPLODE. And Cudicini got knocked out cold in the same game--instant blackout inside the six yard box. So what are your options when your top two goalkeepers are in hospital beds with head trauma? Call up your boy Big Sam and have him give you a 4th string reserve just in time for your biggest international of the year. And I say this because at this rate no way in hell Chelsea get to Europe's round of 16. Pastiness aside, Petr Czech is a worldclass keeper, probably top three or four, and without him Mourinho's defense ain't nearly as daunting.

You heard it here first: Chelsea 1 Barcelona 3 Champions League Prediction for the midweek.

Read this article

Do yourself a favor and stay an informed, educated football fan. Read this article from our fine folks at the British Broadcasting Corporation: http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/6047656.stm

After a long layoff, MY MOST IMPORTANT POST EVER!

This is, without a doubt, the most queer looking thing I have ever seen in my life. It looks like there should be a caption that reads, "Yah, Yah, shower us wit za love juice, Yah!" I mean come on, their names are "Trix" and "Flix." The fudgepackers union are clearly behind this. This is why Footy can't be popular in America yet, because we here in America want "real man" sports. Take the Miller Lite Man-law ads. Enough said. If footy would just "Man-up" when it presents itself to America, then maybe it could become popular here.

FUTURE HOME OF SAMBO'S OFFICIAL FIFA07 GAME REVIEW

Do your homework

In light of some ignorant comments made by outsiders, I have decided to assign the above text as a homework for any and all footy fans who are hungry for knowledge. Here it is, eat it. Quite simply, this is the finest piece of literature ever written on the beautiful game, and don't even try and come at with me with Nick Hornby's Fever Pitch, Americans, because I've read it and does little for me. Eduardo Galeano is (a) South American, and therefore (b) has a genetic disposition that enables him to not only identify quality football but then, as a man of age and wisdom, place it in the contexts of history and sociology. If I ever become a teacher of the language arts, this will undoubtedly be a required text for my course.